and so it begins..

A new dawn is here

A new dawn is here.

New Moon in Virgo, on September 9th/10th has inspired and motivated me into making choices that better my well-being. I am looking for ways to improve overall balance and it seems at this time I had been ignoring my mental and emotional balancing practices ha!

Ah, this I shall continue to learn. Grow and expand.

I have experienced a purging of energy from my life, I have seen it on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels of my existence. I feel as though I am a snake shedding it's skin, relieving myself of the burdens of my past and mental conditionings. I am learning to appreciate the magical and powerful creatures we truly are. We are so much more than what our physical eyes can see and I am bathing in the knowledge of what this means.

The purging came in the form of crying, being by myself and experiencing emotion I had squashed down for so long, buried hidden even from myself. I allowed myself to experience emotion of jealousy, anger, grief, frustration, guilt, fear in a safe and comfortable setting for myself (the best way!), I breathed through the negative thoughts and allowed myself the space to release. It was as if ten years of accumulated damage was lifted away (over a period of two months, thank you eclipse season, although it wasn't the most pleasant experience).

In this lifting I began to experience a newness about myself, inside and out.

I began to realise that in my lifetime I had accumulated ways to protect myself from experiencing my past again, these ways came in the forms of mental beliefs. An unimaginable anxiety protecting me from trauma? How does this make sense? It did at the time as I had learnt to cope with trauma by using my anxiety to fuel a frenzy of thoughts, coming up with all the solutions to all the problems that may flow from the traumatic experience.

Smart in some ways. Damaging in many others.

This coping mechanism I had created was beginning to powerfully influence my experience and relationships, I was living in fear for the past 3 years at least, after an euphoric awakening experience, a download or example of the energy I had access too.

The time line of my life is: creation/birth, experience, trauma and the reaction (misunderstanding) to it, awakening, euphoria and understanding, realisation - there was much work to do, living in fear - fear of it all happening again, living with the fear that if I let go and enjoy my life something bad will happen. And then I am here and now.

When I experienced the euphoria of where I was heading, the energy overwhelmed, I put so much pressure on myself to do what I needed to do to get where I needed to get NOW. That I in the end burnt myself up of energy and delved back into the dark spaces I had longed not to see ever again. I burnt out love from my life and began to self-loathe. I saw this darken my experience and I allowed myself to become toxic. Why? I had just reconnected to source, found that glimmer of light within and began to feed it. Why did I fall back into old patterns? Because the old patterns had always been there...

I had been given a glimpse into the future I was working towards, an inspiration, a motivation. We are always supported and guided. They were showing me where I was going. Not where I was.

I understand this fully now, for a time I was in anger allowing my ego to control my thoughts.

So from here, I was aware that I was in the process of identifying mental patterns and beliefs that were negatively influencing my experience, this is where I was to begin and this is why I delved into my darkness. Continuing to understand and continuing to learn.

I am in the process currently of illuminating the darkness allowing more and more love and understanding into my being. I now understand that my reactions to things are coming

from a place of love and misunderstanding creating a negative charge of sorts. This I will learn to love so that I can learn to change it.

I have learnt to process emotion myself rather than project it onto others. And this changes your experience.